Survivor Portrait Experience

It is a bit odd but I feel like I am survivor because of multiple instances where I found the strength to quit when I knew “enough is enough”.  

The first time was when I was about 16 years old & worked at an insurance agency in Midtown Manhattan.  My boss bought me I think a pin or something for my birthday, then took my hand, licked it & said to me “I will show you things your boyfriend never can”.  In my disgust, I quit & never showed up to work again. I should have reported him but at the time I did not have any knowledge of who to talk to. I was able to quickly move past the memory because I grew up for years, having to take public transportation to school & work (through bad neighborhoods  & during the time when the subways were sketchy – I could easily write a book on all the subway stories I endured).  In my junior high school there was also an unofficial “Slap your ass Day” in the schoolyard, so I guess part of me was not really phased by pigs at times.

Fast forward to one of the most difficult times in my life & the hardest decision I ever made to quit a relatively good job I had as an Assistant Director in Metro-North Railroad.  To this day, sometimes I still ponder if I made the right decision but in my heart, I know it was because during that period I was truly not myself.  I remember feeling like I was a stranger in someone else’s body.  There were so many balls which I could not keep up – something was bound to fall or come crashing down.  

It started in Jan 2015 when we lost one of our dearest friends – Mikey. The devastation of finding him dead is forever etched in my brain.  He died from sarcoidosis (same autoimmune disease that comedian/actor Bernie Mac died from).  That year & whole period was a whirlwind.  

Those tremulous years, 2015-2017 was filled with sadness & sprinkled with some good times. But all the great experiences did little to help with the grief from 2 losses weighing heavy in my heart & nothing to stop the balls I was trying to juggle. Finally I made the tough decision to quit my job so I could try to better focus on myself, my husband & my mom.

Yes, despite loved ones thankfully being there for me, sometimes you can’t help feeling alone in your thoughts (resulting in restless nights & anxiety at times).

My husband helped me the most.  He was always by my side.  We overcame numerous tragedies together, along with great times & wonderful experiences.  We are & will forever be each other’s #1 support system.

Going for long walks on nice days, Hiking along scenic spots, Relaxing & seeing new places on vacation, Trying new recipes that myself & others enjoy eating & most of all, just spending quality time with loved ones.