Survivor portrait Hanna

Describe your situation.

It is a bit odd but I feel like I am survivor because of multiple instances where I found the strength to quit when I knew "enough is enough".The first time was when I was about 16 years old & worked at an insurance agency in Midtown Manhattan.  My boss bought me I think a pin or something for my birthday, then took my hand, licked it & said to me "I will show you things your boyfriend never can".  In my disgust, I quit & never showed up to work again. I should have reported him but at the time I did not have any knowledge of who to talk to. I was able to quickly move past the memory because I grew up for years, having to take public transportation to school & work (through bad neighborhoods  & during the time when the subways were sketchy - I could easily write a book on all the subway stories I endured).  In my junior high school there was also an unofficial "Slap your ass Day" in the schoolyard, so I guess part of me was not really phased by pigs at times.Fast forward to one of the most difficult times in my life & the hardest decision I ever made to quit a relatively good job I had as an Assistant Director in Metro-North Railroad.  To this day, sometimes I still ponder if I made the right decision but in my heart, I know it was because during that period I was truly not myself.  I remember feeling like I was a stranger in someone else's body.  There were so many balls which I could not keep up - something was bound to fall or come crashing down.It started in Jan 2015 when we lost one of our dearest friends - Mikey. The devastation of finding him dead is forever etched in my brain.  He died from sarcoidosis (same autoimmune disease that comedian/actor Bernie Mac died from).  That year & whole period was a whirlwind.Those tremulous years, 2015-2017 was filled with sadness & sprinkled with some good times. But all the great experiences did little to help with the grief from 2 losses weighing heavy in my heart & nothing to stop the balls I was trying to juggle. Finally I made the tough decision to quit my job so I could try to better focus on myself, my husband & my mom.

My dad had medical issues and was in & out of hospitals & rehabilitation centers.  He finally recovered, only to fatally fall in Apr 2016 & the ambulance was not able to reach him in time to give him oxygen.  My siblings & I felt helpless, as we watched our incredible dad who laid lifeless in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines.  It was extremely difficult to see him like that for weeks - a man who had so much strength & will to live.  He endured 2 heart attacks, quintuple bypass surgery & other ailments.  Dad was the family's rock & all the love we have for him will live in our hearts forever.

Did you ever feel alone in your journey?Yes, despite loved ones thankfully being there for me, sometimes you can't help feeling alone in your thoughts (resulting in restless nights & anxiety at times).

What helped you most? Eg Support group, religion, family etc.My husband helped me the most.  He was always by my side.  We overcame numerous tragedies together, along with great times & wonderful experiences.  We are & will forever be each other's #1 support system.

What brings you joy?Going for long walks on nice days, Hiking along scenic spots, Relaxing & seeing new places on vacation, Trying new recipes that myself & others enjoy eating & most of all, just spending quality time with loved ones.