Survivor Portraits Experience Emily

Diagnosed at the end of 2019, I went through chemo, a radical mastectomy, and radiation. I nearly died from an allergic reaction to the chemo, and after radiation I nearly died from multiple blood clots in my lungs. But my journey was not over. To prevent the cancer from recurring, my doctors recommended additional surgery and hormone blocking drugs. Feeling stripped of my femininity and surgically mutilated, I fell into a deep depression and tried to commit suicide. I was forced to walk this earth with just one breast for 3 full years before I was finally eligible for reconstructive surgery. Everything turned a corner for me during the reconstruction process. I began to feel like a woman again. I began to come back to life. Now I am starting life anew, feeling freshly reborn. I am so optimistic about what my future holds, and so at peace with life, finally. I survived.

What have been your greatest challenges in life?This journey through cancer treatment has been the hardest chapter of my life, by far. I lived on the edge of despair for a long time. Taking care of three children during a global pandemic while undergoing life threatening cancer treatment… it doesn’t get much harder than that, in my opinion. I was so fortunate to have family support, friends and community support, and church support.

Did you ever feel alone in your journey?I felt pretty alone during some of the low times. I needed help caring for my children, and sometimes we barely had enough money for food. In the darkness of depression, it is sometimes hard to see things clearly. Many of the friends who supported me through chemo and radiation disappeared once my mental health crisis arose. I was in such a dark place and I felt totally alone. Nobody wanted to be around me, and I can understand why. Only the strength of my resilient husband and the love of my three children got me through those times, and just barely.

What helped you most? Eg Support group, religion, family etc.The thing that helped me most was my faith in God to deliver me from this excruciating trial. That faith just barely kept me clinging to life when I most wanted to not be alive anymore. A tiny part of me was desperate to believe that this suffering would give way to a better season of life. Having made it through the storm and come out the other side, I can see that my faith was not misplaced. Life has begun again for me, and I am newly resolved to make the absolute most of it.

What are your most proud of?I am proud of how I have been clawing my way out of the darkness and back into life. It has been so difficult, but Jesus has been holding my hand through it all. I had so little fight left in me for about 2 years, and I spent much of my time in bed. I had given up for a while, and felt effectively dead. But with this process of reconstruction came a new glimmer of hope, and that hope got me up and back on my feet. Now I have completely emerged from the darkness, weak and weary, but resolute. I persevered through such an incredible storm, which raged in my life for so long, and after 3.5 years, I emerged victorious.

What brings you joy?The love of my husband and children bring me the most joy. Singing songs of worship to the God who delivered me from such terrifying darkness brings me joy. Spending time outside in nature brings me joy. Being alive and cancer free brings me joy!